The Dark Knight Would Approve

October 7, 2015February 18, 2021 Editor 9012 Views 0 Comments

We tested the Pulsator and lived to tell the tale.

It’s a bit like having sex with Batman’s body armour (don’t ask me how I know what this feels like). It looks like a robotic trilobite that could find its own docking station if you asked it nicely. My partner compared it to the thing that clamped itself over John Hurt’s face in Alien, which I thought was unfair. It has two independent motors and costs around ninety quid. It’s waterproof, so you can use it in the shower (recommended). It’s reassuringly heavy. It’s the slickly-designed rechargeable Hot Octopuss PULSE 2 Duo Vibrating Male Masturbator, boasting new PulsePlate technology and it can be used with lube or dry. It’s a lot of fun with a partner (if something has to come between you, it might as well be this), but possibly more of a warm-up toy than a 0-60 orgasm aid.

My fellow-tester was surprised by its weightiness, but eventually its solid presence turned out to be a good thing. She used the remote (a cute little thing like a grey coat-button you hold in your hand) to switch on the second vibrator, which has three strengths and was, more or less, entirely dedicated to her pleasure. The vibrations were diffused and, because of the position we were in (a sort of faux-missionary), the whole thing was a bit static until some judicious wriggling resolved that problem. We tried it dry; we tried it with loads of lube. It was fun and it induced a lorra laffs. But was it sexy? Not especially the first time, but it definitely has potential for some creative humping.

The solo flight was equally entertaining; my first guybrator experience was a mixture of shock, awe and then, well… respect. Its six rhythms and nine speeds, controlled by two buttons on the machine itself, do the job with a relentless, Ronseal efficiency. And it wouldn’t embarrass you as much as Carmen Luvana’s Doggy Style CyberSkin Vibrating Pussy & Ass (see illustration) would if your offspring came across that in your sock drawer.