When we start out in a new relationship, all juiced up for how wonderful this person is, how well we get along and how much we have in common, take a breath and promise yourself not to talk about where to have the wedding before you’ve had that first big disagreement.
Watching old videos of yourself having sex with an ex is a voyeuristic experience. I guess I know that now because, not long ago, browsing through old folders on my computer, I stumbled across some of my own. I caved in to curiosity and opened the files. Watching all those collected minutes, a younger me roaming the screen, despite the distance between us, I felt like an intruder.
Social media has a huge impact on the love lives and sexual relationships of young people. Allowing instant connections that would otherwise have been difficult or impossible, the rise of apps like Tinder, or the more visceral Grindr, give us much more choice over who we want to sleep with than any previous generation. And while it’s certainly useful being able to meet people so easily, that power to sort the wheat from the chaff with just a swipe of a finger can go to your head.
Tolerating your lover with their friends of your same sex is an exercise in trust. If you can be reassured without turning green, then it’s likely you have a relationship that will resist a buffeting by bigger, trickier issues.
Many who write about online dating seem to be tolerating, with teeth clenched and assholes puckered, the chore of dating. What a waste.
The few times I’ve had a man look into my eyes when he’s coming he wore an expression that said, ‘Good god, my balls are being electrocuted.’ Practice I say, practice.
Saying you're open can come across as a justification for sleeping around, imply you don't have the emotional skills to commit to a ‘real’ relationship, or that you're so bent on living a life less ordinary that you're willing to suffer through the heart stomping emotion of knowing your partner is fucking someone else.
Do I want to leave my child's sex education to the capricious variety of sexual activity online? Do I want my daughter to start fucking her urethra with a dildo without being warned that this practice could lead to incontinence?
So I swallowed my pride (when I could finally keep things down) and told him it was OK. You’ve got to go with your gut. And besides, I was probably better off with someone who had a body mass index close to my own.
The Georgians were head over heels for Lonely Hearts adverts, while the first ’90s speed-daters were actually the congregation of a Beverly Hills rabbi who had been implored to help them find spouses. What do they have in common? Both sets of love-hunters were clear about how serious they were from the start and thought the 'let's see where this goes' line was a complete waste of their time. We've come to believe that being upfront about wanting marriage and kids comes across desperate, especially if you’re female. But following the historical example, I started to sound people out very casually but quite rapidly as to what they were looking for long-term. It worked. The people who eventually wanted marriage and kids didn’t have a problem sharing that. And the way they said it – with embarrassment, hesitation, or even too much eagerness – gave me even more information about the gap between their idealised intentions and their readiness to make them happen.