If one person in a marriage is routinely withholding sex and the other seeks it elsewhere, is only one to blame? Certainly one person is being cheated of a vow of sexual fidelity. But isn’t the other being cheated of sex?
With budgets ever tighter, journalists ever worse paid, real reportage is increasingly squeezed out in favour of reproducing press releases, running safe and easy to produce fluff. A great example of the latter is the survey, and the Daily Star newspaper produced a corker post-Christmas. For apparently the paper, in an EXCLUSIVE poll, has discovered the four words women most love to hear during sex.
Having been raised by a well meaning, psychotherapist mother, I was conditioned from an early age to believe that relationships require work, sometimes quite a lot of it. But when things felt rather shitty with the man I was trying to ‘work on it’ with, I began to question just how much work any relationship should require of us. If I’d considered the net energy gain or loss of the relationship earlier, I might have saved myself a lot of grief.
We browbeat our kids to practice violin and get good grades. Why not get a little more encouraging of their love skills? 'Whether you practice with one person or one hundred, you’ve got to put in the hours' is my mantra.
As a liberal I’m more likely to fantasize about activities involving BDSM, power play, spanking and pleasure in the form of pain. I suppose he’s onto something because I can’t imagine anything more pleasurable right now than crushing Donald Trump's balls with my bare hands and watching him fall at my feet, red faced and begging for mercy.
What’s going on in America is herd mentality, a ‘You’re either with us or against us’ attitude that leaves no room for dissent and paints equivocation as a lack of support. I support women who have been abused and traumatized. I support men who have been falsely accused. I hate it that politics and justice are being sullied by the kangaroo court of public opinion.
Outrage begets outrage, and as the list of male abusers continues to grow, it almost feels irresponsible, as a woman, not to join in on the shaming. I don’t want to go there. I want to listen to what men have to say. If I think they’re full of shit, I’ll tell them nicely. But until a person feels heard, we can’t possibly expect to understand their story.
When we’re big into someone, our frontal lobe essentially shuts down. We’re incapable of seeing that person’s faults early on and we’re so high on the ‘rightness’ of our bond that we’re convinced we’ll easily avoid the troubles of lesser human partnerships. But we’ve got to wipe that haze from our brains and read this book before we sign a marriage certificate.
When considering the relationship choices we now tolerate in the 21st century - homosexuality, bisexuality and trans-gendered identities - it’s clear that love comes in as many different varieties as spaghetti sauce; we just need to become more familiar with their unique ingredients.
The other day in my Twitter feed there was news that Missouri researcher Alicia Walker, PhD was calling for men to send her photos of their penises. Sadly, a few days later, she shut down the study because of public backlash and hate mail. Sigh... Only in America would this topic cause indignation.