Erotic Review Magazine

REVIEW | CROOKS

by Zoë Apostolides / 29th April 2016

Within moments of arriving outside the closed shutters on a quiet Borough backstreet we’re approached by men – they want the password, and once we’ve given it we’re in. It’s an old carpet factory, perfect for the sense of claustrophobia and dark dealings that CROOKS aims to create. The atmosphere is charged; the old lift creaks and clanks as we go down. There’s door upon door leading who knows where (if we go snooping, we’re told, they’ll f*cking kill us, so I resist the urge). We’re split into teams and throughout the next 90 minutes we’re tasked with extracting information from a bent rozzer, swapping two heavy, powdery briefcases over, playing a hand of Blackjack with the Don, scheming with his fur-coated wife and then slipping a vial of poison into a lurking glass of whiskey. It’s great entertainment, even if the pauses between each “scene” are a little drawn out in the dark, thumping downstairs saloon.

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“A woman can become a man’s friend only in the following stages – first an acquaintance, next a mistress, and only then a friend. ” - Anton Chekhov

News

THE BLUE ROOM

29th February 2016

The Blue Room is a dark comedy adapted from Arthur Schnitzler’s Reigen. It follows the changing identities of ten individuals laced together in a series of affairs. As they discover their sexual identities and battle their desires, their social statuses change beyond recognition. Schnitzler, who was held in high regard by Sigmund Freud, became a writer after having studied medicine in his home land Austria in the late 1800's. This was a time in which social class drew a line between people that simply could not be crossed. Ironically, however, this was a time in which a quarter of men of the higher classes were regular patrons of brothels. While studying medicine, Schnitzler discovered that syphilis did not adhere to the hierarchy of social class and was spreading like wildfire. When Reigen was finally first publicly performed in 1920 in Berlin, Schnitzler received violent reviews and was reviled as a pornographer. Naturally, the French adored it, adapting it as La Ronde for film as well as stage, alongside several other adaptations later on under different names, following a period in which Reigen temporarily fell out of copyright. David Hare's adaptation brings an edge to the classic tale, introducing new contemporary characters. THEATRE HOUSE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS DAVID HARE'S THE BLUE ROOM FROM THURSDAY 10 MARCH IN MAIDENHEAD

Don't play with your food

26th February 2016

A man in on trial in Germany for negligent homicide after accidentally suffocating Rica Varna, 46, with a cucumber. Oliver Dietmann, 46 could be imprisoned for five years if found guilty. A verdict is due today.

If you had a shitty VDE (Valentine's Day Experience)…

20th February 2016

OK, it’s about time to talk about Valentine Fails. We’ve all had a few. No cards, no flowers, no chocs, no sex. Either someone has let us down or it’s just one of those dry years. So how to remedy? Why not go the Reverse Pygmalion route? In case you’d forgotten, Pygmalion was the Greek sculptor who fell in love with an ivory statue he'd carved of his perfect woman. Venus took pity on him and caused the statue to become flesh and blood.  The ER Review Team was intrigued when we were sent a review sample of Sculpt Your Own Boyfriend. So we set about creating him (we were tempted to create 'her', but we resisted). The little booklet that comes with the boxed kit had various types of BF, which we thought was cool. There was the Fiancé BF, with a ring from Tiffany. Punk BF, with a spiky Mohican. And French BF, with a beret, a moustache and sang froid. All of them had buggy, exophthalmic eyes like Homer Simpson, which we decided to tone down in our version: Falling-Down-Drunk BF Who's Been In A Bit Of A Fight, making them simply bleary instead. Here he is:   and here's where to get him for £9.95: prezzybox.com   

Goodbye Ed, hello Ed

15th February 2016

After nine years of unrelenting erotic excitement and adventure, Jamie Maclean is stepping down as editor of the Erotic Review and joining Lisa Moylett as the magazine’s co-publisher and partner in the literary agency, Coombs Moylett Maclean. As founding editor he is delighted to pass the reins to Florence Walker who is not only young and beautiful, but wise and fearless too. Florence is already our film editor and has written extensively for ER; she is also ‘resident anthropologist’ for British GQ online. We're delighted that Florence has found a home with us. We welcome her to the Coombs Moylett Maclean family and look forward to seeing the Erotic Review come of age under her in its 21st year.

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Fiction

Oh It's Bad

by Singer Joy / 11th April 2016

She and I have never had sex. Well, I mean, we’ve done some things. Fondled, sort of. But like I said, she treads lightly. I try to tread lightly too. We’ve talked about it though. I can’t help but talk about it every now and again. And she doesn’t seem squeamish, which I appreciate. It’s almost like she wants to have all the information before she makes the purchase. Like she’s signing a lease on me or something.

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Galleries

AN UNRELIABLE HISTORY OF TATTOOS | PAUL THOMAS

20th April 2016

It's the perfect gift for anyone into any of the following: tattoos, satire, make-believe, colour, illustration, poking fun at celebrities, poking fun at royals, poking fun at history, beautifully presented books, life, love, wit, humour, fun. Oh you don't know anyone who likes any of those things? Pity.

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Podcasts

Because She's Got Breasts

by / 5th September 2013

After a few months at Erotic Towers, Tati is leaving her post as editorial assistant to chase boys in the South of France. Parting is such sweet sorrow: let us sweeten it a little more with a charming song about her breasts. Ladies, this one is for you.

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Articles

The Hottest Moments in Shakespeare

by Christine Fears / 23rd April 2016

Now will he sit under a medlar tree, and wish his mistress were that kind of fruit as maids call medlars, when they laugh alone. Romeo, that she were, O, that she were an open-arse, thou a poperin pear!

EXHIBITONS | Undressed: A Brief History of Underwear at the V&A

by Daisy Bata / 15th April 2016

The V&A is showing the largest ever collection of underwear to go on display, and has acquired over 60 new individual pieces for it’s permanent collection. Taking us on a lightning tour through the history of the role and function of the undergarment and indeed underwear as outerwear, we are treated to rare pieces such as a maternity breast feeding bra-let and the first pair of male “enhancing” briefs from Marks & Spencer.

FUTURE SEX

by Stephen Bayley / 24th March 2016

Three glasses of house Gascony into the meal and we had reached the topic of perennial fascination to monogamists: the limits of fidelity. Just how far can you go before a genuine transgression occurs? What is the quantum? A quantum being not, as is the mistaken commonplace, a very large thing, but the smallest measurable one. This is a pursuit whose metaphysics compare with the finesse needed from line calls in tennis. Just what's in and just what's out? It's always entertaining. What are the exact limits of acceptability?

UP 'UR BUM? THE GANG DISCUSSES AT THE OLD DOOM BAR

by Bruce Abrahams / 23rd March 2016

'Mind you' someone observed, 'I don't think you'd forget it if a randy old bloke had tried to shove his dick up your bum'. By this point the women in the group had devoted themselves to the dessert buffet and we chaps were topping up with digestifs at the bar. It's funny how these tribal habits cling on. But it did make it easier to discuss the matter of anal intercourse and its apparent normalisation in public discourse.

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Reviews

Six Brilliant Years

by Jamie Maclean / 27th April 2016

We know Beardsley as the poster boy for Naughty Ninety’s decadence: he was by far the most controversial exponent of Art Nouveau; apart from Henry Fuseli, virtually the only nineteenth century British erotic artist of any real importance (his Lysistrata was privately published); he lost his job as art editor at The Yellow Book essentially because of his association with Oscar Wilde.

THE REALM OF SHUNGA | PETERSHAM ROAD

by Florence Walker / 21st April 2016

The guide asked me if I was into "Shibari". What? Japanese fabric dying? For a moment I envisioned a W.I. instructor coming showing us how to make a beautiful table-cloths on the cheap. No, no, that's shibori. Shibari or, kinbaku if you're caught out by vowels as I so often am, is a Japanese erotic art form which involves tying girls up in rope. Well yes, actually, that sounds like just my sort of thing.

FILM | LOOK AT THE PICTURES

by Florence Walker / 6th April 2016

Robert Mapplethorpe and I have something in common: as children we both loved chewing our toenails. Fortunately, Mapplethorpe also loved drawing. He became an artistic sensation, turning photography into an art form as it had never been before. I doubt I’ll ever make a career out of chewing my toenails.

EXHIBITIONS | ALLEN JONES

by Alice Frances / 7th March 2016

Allen Jones does not allow us to objectify her body and what she represents. Each image realises her as an individual person. The maîtresse may represent your utmost fantasies and she may wear a mask of sorts, but she is also a strong and a highly accessible representation of a sexually powerful female figure.

BOOKS | GETTING IT RIGHT

by Jamie Maclean / 7th March 2016

Sorry: How to Choose a Partner won't necessarily help you if you're trying to determine whether a prospective partner is going to be a good lay. It's not going to literally tell you how to choose a partner, either. But it could be massively helpful in suggesting why you've got it right (if your partnership works OK) or why you keep getting it so terribly, terribly wrong...

FILM | ANOMALISA

by Florence Walker / 3rd March 2016

Fans of the cerebral and weird Being John Malkovich will be familiar with screenwriter and director Charlie Kaufman’s fascination with puppets. Before Kaufman had to contend with using real people as the puppets, now he’s a real puppet master. It’s almost a shame to give even the premise away, as seeing the story unfold is a pleasure in itself. Kaufman is a master story teller although you can feel like he’s dragging it out a little. But the intricate nature of the stop-still animation is enough to keep you quite comfortable in your seat. For those who relish the thought of being at the mercy of Kaufman’s genius: stop reading here. For those you need more convincing, read on.

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Heart Killer is Nowicki’s fifth novel, with close thematic links to his controversial 2011 novella, The Columbine Pilgrim

eBook price: £4.30

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