Setting oneself up as an erotic publisher is not without its pitfalls. One thing I didn't anticipate a couple of months ago is the extent to which I would end up having to share details about my intimate preferences with complete strangers. My decision to publish an erotic anthology was prompted by a number of factors, none of which was 'wanting to broadcast my turn-ons to the general public and my mum and dad'.
We carry around a personal sexual consciousness. While this remains in a semi-dormant state, we are constantly alert to cues that could indicate the prospects for, or dangers of, engagement with the opposite sex at any appropriate level. Much the same way as animals are with food or potential enemies.
Underneath our excited bottoms as we anticipate our most expensive sleep to date, is a mattress-topper combination to match no other on the planet. What we are about to go horizontal on is made from a unique cocktail of cashmere, carded virgin lambs wool, cotton and curled Latin American horse tail. Horse tail apparently wicks away moisture, helps maintain body temperature and provides natural spring. Why it works better when it’s curled and comes from Latin American equine descent, who knows – but it does.
The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, for example, scandalizes mainstream feminists and left-liberal cultural commissars not because the book is so poorly written (E.L. James is hardly the first author of dubious talents to become rich and famous), but because its hero Christian Grey embodies all of the old-fashioned attributes of the sexy romance novel hunk: he’s ambitious, cocky, powerful, and dominant: a true alpha male, whose kinky tastes only heighten his appeal to women.
Children are welcome so long as they are not: crying, screaming, whining, running around knocking things over, picking things up and dropping them or leaving half eaten items of food on our merchandise. This notice is written with half my tongue in part of my cheek but is backed by years of experience of ghastly screaming children running amok while their mothers are both deaf and blind to everything.
Two weeks ago I joined Twitter, which this month announced its 500 millionth user. To put the figure in context, Tumblr reports 150 million users, Skype 280 million, LinkedIn 200 million and Facebook – wait for it –1.06 billion. If you care to mess around on the Beeb’s rather snazzy calculator, you can find out where you fit on this grand old scale. In a world, as it will tell you, where there are now over 7 billion people 1 in 7 of us has some sort of social media presence. The implications of this are vast, and have been much discussed: we are easier to locate, easier to understand, easier to have instant judgements made upon us, than we have ever been before.
For breakfast I can have a 'Cappuccino de Seme' together with a 'High Protein Smoothie', which I'm sure will see me all the way to lunch. For the mid-day meal I might have the 'Tuna Sashimi' with an interesting sounding 'Homemade Dipping Sauce', or I could try the 'Lumpier Lumpia', or perhaps I should just stick with some good old fashioned 'Creamy Cum Crepes'. When I'm hit by that inevitable four o'clock slump, I can re-invigorate myself with some 'Spunky Candied Pecans', or, if I'm feeling indulgent, I might have a 'Tiramisu Surprise' (the surprise is that it's made with semen)
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Whatever your own views on the human penis – join the debate! – it seems a little, well, cock-eyed to assume that every time it appeared in the Pompeiian home it did so in an erotic context. Some of these representations are comic; some stand for good luck, health and prosperity; some apparently exist because the eye of the glans struck someone as apt to make a damn fine candle-holder. It's our own post-Christian prurience that wants Graeco-Roman genitalia to signify in the same way ours do.
The Hippodrome Casino is definitely not the Casino de Monte Carlo; nor is it, somehow, the most felicitous venue for a burlesque revue. Its over-long and shallow stage and its general Holiday Inn atmosphere did nothing to help this show, despite forays among the tables by the performers.
Staggering over the Lock and into the Stables, I was transported back to the heady heights of my last visit, handcuffed to a chair and being paddled by a masked waitress...
We heard about the iGino One, the clever little sex toy that was crowd-funded, and wrote a news piece about it back in February (when it wasn’t quite ready for actual review) because we loved the ideas behind it. Since then, we’ve been lucky enough to get our hands on one: the experience was worth waiting for and we weren’t disappointed.
Well, whaddya know? Sasha Grey, one of Hollywood's most successful porn stars, has packed it in to try her hand at novel-writing. And it ain't half bad. What begins tentatively as a treatise on film studies develops into a pacey, driven narrative which only very occasionally loses its way.
Alex Proud’s excellent new supper-cabaret-burlesque show in his Proud City venue is missing one performer: she’s deceased, expired, no more – murdered, in fact. Poor Miss Scarlett.
Peter and Alice has had a lot of hype. At a time when almost daily debate rages on the question of whether art can be ‘immoral’ – whether we can ever really separate the creative from its creator – journalists, critics and curators alike are throwing up their hands. This production is an unintentionally timely tale.
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Eve Made A Wish
Eve Made a Wish
has a wonderful selection of high quality erotic toys and lingerie for women at our boutique. We’re not burlesque and we’re not soft-porn – we’re here for positive, sensual erotic pleasure and contemporary design. Be seduced by us!
We stock fabulous products from Shiri Zinn, Je Joue, Rianne S, What Katie Did, Kiss Me Deadly and JimmyJane.
is a friendly, independent cycle shop in Battersea, London SW11. Established in 1992, our bike range isn’t huge but it is considered. British favourites and classics, Brompton, Pashley and Moulton rub handlebars with our favoured hybrid brand, Giant. Come and visit and see for yourself.
OPEN Tuesday – Saturday;
59A Battersea Bridge Road
London SW11 3AU
Tel: 020 7738 2766
Did Johann Salvadorus kill the Homecoming Queen? No, he did far worse…
Why not treat your Kindle (or other eReader) to a first-class read? Now available from ER BOOKS, Heart Killer is a dark, erotic, time-tripping crime thriller by Andy Nowicki.
Heart Killer is Nowicki’s fifth novel, with close thematic links to his controversial 2011 novella, The Columbine Pilgrim
eBook price: £4.30
Is your man wrapping up the right way? Fair Squared have produced the first fair trade condoms – they’re as safe as any other condom and come in many shapes, sizes and flavours. AND they’re made from sustainably-produced rubber. Bravo!
Erotic Review Books
The web has a new home for creative erotica. An independent online publishing house, ER Books publishes carefully selected digital books, often beautifully illustrated with contemporary and classic erotic art. Browse our catalogue. Explore our website HERE