Erotic Review Magazine

Long distance information, give me… We-Vibe, Tennessee

by Harriet Charity Verney / 28th March 2015

There’s an innate fear that technology will, at some point, take over our lives completely. Some think this is imminent. Well, Mankind, the appliance of science is now seducing your Womankind, insinuating itself into your bedroom and even getting involved in you performance. But panic not: it’s not so much a threat as a gimmicky detour. And what’s more, the new We-Vibe 4 plus promises orgasms for your (female) partner, even if you’re on another continent. And all this without third-party involvement! (Just don’t forget to charge your phone).

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“Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ” - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

News

You Are Cordially Invited to An Evening's Entertainment at Erotic Towers

8th February 2015

On Tuesday 24th of February, at 6.30 pm, we're holding an entertainment, An Evening with the Erotic Review, in the Polish Club's restaurant, Ognisko, 55 EXHIBITION ROAD, LONDON SW7 2PN . It'll cost you a tenner admission fee on the door and there's no booking - so don't turn up late if you want a seat. You'll get a glass of wine and some interesting speakers. The event starts at 7pm sharp. And should all this erotic excitement whet your more conventional appetite, you can book a table at Ognisko's first class eatery [0207 589 0101] for after the event; there will be a good value special menu available. For more details on how to get there and who is speaking, click here.

The Road to Wigan Beer

17th January 2015

  Lucy Hilton of the news website Wigan Today tells us that a man called Paul Bennett has been sentenced to a 12-month community order for having sex with a bright red, George-VI-era, pillar box in a shopping arcade. Her report goes something like this: after an argument with a woman (girlfriend? granny?) who then departed the scene, Paul lay down on a bench, yelling. But then he sat up, started to perform a sex act, exposed himself and pulled down his trousers (really? in that order?).  Now comes the tricky bit: he began to perform ‘a sex act’ (another, or the same variety?) while simultaneously walking towards the pillar box. And then – and only then – did he begin ‘to make sexual advances towards it’. At this point, though shameful, guilt-inducing and somehow slightly humiliating, an image of Cherie Blair, herself a Lancashire lass, pops uninvited into the reader’s head. Bennett was highly intoxicated. Could he have been labouring under the beer-sodden illusion that he was about to ‘perform a sex act’ with the illustrious QC? There’s an eerily long and (almost) silent video of the abused post box which is worthy of a first year creative film studies student. In addition to this surreal visual offering, it would appear le tout Wigan has commented on the event. Many of these comments have been lost to posterity, but one or two pungent, Les-Dawsonesque examples remain; good to know that dry Northern wit is alive and well. Sort of.

A unique celebration of the relationship between poetry and sex

14th January 2015

  In what sounds like a must for the lyrical crowd, on the 9th of February, Poet in the City will present a unique celebration of the relationship between poetry and sex, and ask you to join Erotic Review writer and broadcaster Kate Copstick as she hosts a panel of leading experts in erotic literature and gender, exploring poetry’s intimate relationship with love and desire through the ages. The evening will feature acclaimed poet Adam O’Riordan, Dr Linda Grant and Richard Parkinson. Drawing on the evocative writings of authors and poets from John Donne and Anais Nin to ee cummings and beyond, this event will explore how poetry charts and challenges our evolving relationship with sex and each other. May the Muse be with you. Get info/tickets here. Eros: The Poetry of Sex 7pm, Monday 9th February 2015 Kings Place 90 York Way, London, N1 9AG

CHARLIE HEBDO MASSACRE

7th January 2015

  We are outraged by the grim carnage at the offices of Charlie Hebdo in Paris: let's fight to preserve freedom of speech; let's never be silenced by religious lunacy; let's all show bravery to those who would enslave us with fear and always condemn those who possess such appalling contempt for humanity. Je suis Charlie.

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Fiction

High Noon

by Malachi O'Doherty / 26th March 2015

Birdie Wallace said he wanted to fight me for the hand of Ann Marie O’Hare. And it wasn’t as if her hand was mine to give. ‘He knows he won’t win me over,’ she said when I showed her the scroll. ‘But this will restore his self respect - he thinks.’ She was impressed by the trouble he had taken to write on parchment. ‘Is that blood?’ ‘Red ink.’ She said, ‘He’s humiliated that I left him, so he wants to thump the other man. It’s straightforward really.’ I had to grant her that.

Rose Madder and the Silken Robe

by Jo Mazelis / 1st March 2015

The classroom is modern and large, a rectangle of concrete and smooth featureless plaster bounded on two sides by glass windows. There is a long counter along one wall with locked storage cabinets under it, and at one end a sink that is usually splashed and stained with rose madder, Payne’s grey, burnt sienna and yellow ochre; the surprising palette that when skilfully applied to paper make up a body’s flesh and heft and shadows.

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Galleries

The art of arousal

3rd October 2014

One of the most talked about exhibitions at this year’s Melbourne Fringe Festival, FECK:ART took shape as the area’s emerging artists toiled to answer one question: can art succeed where porn fails: to actually turn us on? Their diverse and dazzling output celebrates ‘beautiful obscenity’ while challenging pornography’s status quo.

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Podcasts

Because She's Got Breasts

by / 5th September 2013

After a few months at Erotic Towers, Tati is leaving her post as editorial assistant to chase boys in the South of France. Parting is such sweet sorrow: let us sweeten it a little more with a charming song about her breasts. Ladies, this one is for you.

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Articles

THE CONFESSIONS OF A JUSTIFIED ONLINE LOVER 2

by Delilah West / 20th March 2015

I bump into Friend en route to the tube and she can see I’m wearing my date outfit: skinny jeans in high boots and a sort of rock chick top that reveals little, but taken as a whole conjures three words: smart, sensuous, sassy. I hope. “Funny how we all wanted to be nurses when we were little girls,” she smiles looking at the headline on my Evening Standard: ‘The Medical Director of NHS England says “system is creaking under pressure”’. “So,” says Friend, “another date? Why this particular guy?” “Profile reads well enough – at least he can punctuate his prose.”

POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE NO.9

by Bruce Abrahams / 17th March 2015

Much merriment in the Old Doom Bar over the judges caught watching porn on the judicial network. The spin-doctors showed subtlety and kindliness in their description of the culprits as ‘junior’ judges and the porn in question as ‘not of the illegal or child porn sort’.

POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE NO.8

by Bruce Abrahams / 11th March 2015

Life out here doesn’t mean isolation from the Überkultur of the metropolis. It is true that great ballet or world class orchestras don’t seem to make it (for fairly obvious reasons) but ‘alternative comedy’ certainly does. So it was that in one week we have been treated to visits from Simon Amstell and Stewart Lee: both on tour, the latter ostensibly to try out new material on a grateful but suitably unpredictable audience as we ‘edgies’ tend to be. It is also worth noting that the rail service enables access to interesting events such as Grayson Perry’s recent appearance at the Royal Institution on the topic of What is Art Best At?

The Confessions of a Justified Online Lover

by Delilah West / 7th March 2015

He's out there. That’s what your friends and family will tell you. And who am I to disagree? We’re all here today because men and women have been pairing off for sex, love and the whole nine yards quite a while before Blind Date hit our screens 25 years ago. I’m sitting in my Friend’s house overlooking the river and we’re drinking large glasses of Merlot. Light fading, there’s a lapping tranquillity beyond the picture window as trunk-thighed rowers carry long boats on their heads. Friend pushes the olive bowl towards me and touches my arm. “If I was in your position, I’d make a list of what I’m looking for in a man, and find him through online dating.”

An Evening with the Erotic Review

by Erotic Towers Review Team / 26th February 2015

The frozen bison grass vodka was flowing on Tuesday, and as Ognisko's stylish restaurant started to fill up we, the speakers, had a great time ensuring a little Dutch courage was present. The Editor at Large (Copstick), The Political Editor (Ian Dunt), the International Editor (Ali May, who compèred brilliantly) and the Editor (Jamie Maclean), that is. And it seemed our guest speakers, Sarah-Jane Lovett, Nichi Hodgson and Jonathon Green (aka Bob Logic, aka Mr Slang) weren't feeling much pain either.

An Interview with Primula Bond

by Kate Borcoman / 17th February 2015

When did you develop a taste for reading – where and what would you read? I've been an avid reader for as long as I can remember, spending hours lying on my stomach on the grass or my bed depending on the weather. My parents are amongst the best read people I know (barring erotica) and our house was full of books. Once I was too old for Beatrix Potter I used to read alien tales such as Heidi and Little House on the Prairie, aspirational stories such as Ballet Shoes, the plain silly St Clare's series (banned by my own convent boarding school) and the thoughtful Anne of Green Gables and Little Women, and then I'd pretend to be one of the heroines, drifting round the garden talking to myself.

You read it here first

by Jonathon Green / 11th February 2015

We may hate Disney for many things: the xenophobic racism of old Walt’s hiring policies, the ‘family-orientated’ banality of its cartoons, the destruction-cum-dumbing down of as any children’s classics as its millions can buy, but, for those whose reading matter requires but a single hand, its greatest sin is the destruction of 42nd Street, New York City and especially the blocks between 6th and 8th Avenues. Prior to their gelding by the Mouse, what a cornucopia of delight those seedy blocks offered the pornophile.

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Reviews

Emphatically not looking for love

by Zoë Apostolides / 3rd March 2015

Fans of Bridget Jones and Girls, rejoice: there's a new kid on the block. Melissa Pimentel's Age, Sex, Location is a wonderfully fresh romp through the modern dating scene, where one wrong left swipe could throw all chances of happiness down the pan. Lauren is 28 and is emphatically not looking for love. Recently divorced from her college sweetheart, she's moved from Portland to the Big Smoke and into a dingy room in Old Street.

Driving with uncle Peck

by Zoë Apostolides / 25th February 2015

Paula Vogel's How I Learned To Drive explores dangerous liaisons, gender relations and aspiration – and excels in its presentation of all three.

The 50 Shades of Grey drinking game

by Felicity Hannah / 18th February 2015

We need to decide how the 50 Shades drinking game will work… As one of many women who went to see the new 50 Shades of Grey film in its first few days of screening, I think there’s an important conversation we all need to have. No, not about the merits of bringing erotica to a mass market, not even about the sexual politics highlighted by Anastasia and Christian’s relationship, or whether the flagrantly capitalist fantasy holds up a mirror to something dark in our society. No, we need to decide what the 50 Shades drinking game will be. How will it work?

Heavy Breathing at the Back

by Primula Bond / 16th February 2015

This is a film to be savoured in the communal atmosphere of a darkened cinema. The solidarity of those eager, giggling bodies around you, some women dragging along sheepish male partners, most tripping in with a shoal of girlie mates, all bearing glasses or even bottles of wine and/or champagne, made the experience enjoyable from the off.

Suburbaret!

by Zoë Apostolides / 10th February 2015

What good is sitting alone in your room, I’m wondering, as I pull on some tights to go out. On a Sunday. When Poirot is on, there’s leftover spagbol in the fridge and my enormous old sofa (courtesy of Erotic Towers, no less) has developed a pleasing groove from where I’ve been lying on it all day. Life is indeed a cabaret, I think, as I walk to Elephant and Castle station and stumble on a rolling can of Special Brew. We’re off to Balham for Suburbaret, a new smorgasbord of singing, dancing and lip-syncing talent in the beating heart of Zone Three. Things are already looking up as it’s being held in the dark underbelly of an old favourite pub, The Bedford, and within minutes of arriving we’ve got pineapple and Red Leicester on sticks, “to get you into that Abigail’s Party, late 70s mood”.

Channel 4 goes to Paradise

by Bruce Abrahams / 1st February 2015

The legalised brothel issue has long been a favourite British media topic; and one to which our legislators and moralists of all stripes frequently return. In recent times it has been given added momentum by the trafficking problem. Early in 2014, egged on by commercial interests eager to turn the area into more luxury apartments and sheltered by Articles 52 and 53 of The Sexual Offences Act, police raided a number of the modest Soho flats used by prostitutes and their maids. These sex workers were abused, turned out of their places of business and, it is alleged, had their money confiscated.

Books about bedtime

by Kate Borcoman / 16th January 2015

I am sitting on a late Friday afternoon staring disconsolately at a pile of books recently sent to Erotic Towers for review. All, pretty much, have restrained grey covers and strap lines like ‘An erotic series so steamy, it sparkles!’

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Heart Killer is Nowicki’s fifth novel, with close thematic links to his controversial 2011 novella, The Columbine Pilgrim

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