Erotic Review Magazine

During the Conservative Manifesto Launch

by Ian Dunt / 16th April 2015

There was a curious incident with a microphone during the Conservative manifesto launch. David Cameron gave his speech in the usual manner – tepid, uninspiring, broadly competent – and then took questions from the gathered journalists. Whenever he pointed to a journalist a party worker would dash over and stick the microphone out by their mouth. Several journalists tried to hold it, as is usually the way with these things, but she kept it firmly in her grip. Clearly she'd been instructed not to give it to them. Journalists with a microphone can ask follow-up questions. Cameron hates follow up questions, because they are the only way to really hold someone to account. One question is useless. You ask something damaging, the politician appears to address the question, then deploys a bridging phrase, and then just ignores it and talks about whatever he wants to talk about.

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“A widespread taste for pornography means that nature is alerting us to some threat of extinction. ” - J.G. Ballard

News

Breakin’ Convention at Sadler’s Wells

13th April 2015

Breakin’ Convention at Sadler’s Wells, the international festival of Hip Hop dance, is now in its 12th year and on Friday May 1 they will be trying out something different: erotic and just a little experimental. Strictly an adult affair, WorX will comprise of a series of short performances devised specially by international Hip Hop dance artists: http://breakinconvention.com/events/festival/worx  At WorX, the word ‘raw’ won’t just describe the highly original talent on offer. Breakin’ Convention’s Artistic Director Jonzi D has curated WorX which will be hosted by poet/MC Floetic Lara.  The award-winning Jazz musician Soweto Kinch will play live throughout the night, evoking an intimate and immersive speakeasy. Performers include amongst others, renowned dancer and choreographer Marso Riviere, Natalie James: Dance artist, circus performer and aerialist and Bisouxxx Brooklyn (who danced in London for Penny Arcade), aka The Hip Hop Josephine Baker.

Top French Intellectual wades into UK election debate

12th April 2015

Ne votez pas, mes enfants,’ he says,  ‘ça ne vaut pas la peine’. Russelle (rhymes with pucelle) Onfray-Brand-Farage, the famous French intellectual nihilist, has hit a new high in the Twittersphere, garnering 3 million followers almost overnight. We were granted a brief interview with him as he breakfasted in Starbucks before boarding the Eurostar back to Paris. M. Onfray-Brand-Farage, is it true you are the half-brother of the fanatical UKIP supporter Nielle Fernandel-Farage? Call me Russelle, my matey. No, this is not true. Yes, it is. Think what you like, I don’t really care.  We are all doomed anyway, so what does it matter. Booff! So, Russelle, you’re advising people not to vote, but isn’t it a good idea to vote, even so that you can end up by saying, ‘It’s not my fault; I never voted for him?’ Paff! It is not about the voting. The people must take the power away from the politicians. To make an omelette, you must first break some sacred eggs. Like Stalin. Tell us about your latest book, Vive La Révolution! The End of the Universey-Wersey, in which you talk to other nihilists, intellectuals and authors like your pal Michel Houellebecq. I hear that Harper Collins have offered you a £2.7 million advance for this. True or false? Piff! Don’t believe everything you read in the capitalist press, my matey. But buy it: you will love it! Or maybe you will hate it. It is like, how do you English say – Bovril! But this does not matter. Nothing matters very much… …and few things matter at all. But what matters to you? Duff! Mon dieu! That is a really, really silly question. Money and sex, of course, and lots of both. too… Are you very stupid indeed? Thank you, Russelle. Mon plaisir, my matey.

You Are Cordially Invited to An Evening's Entertainment at Erotic Towers

8th February 2015

On Tuesday 24th of February, at 6.30 pm, we're holding an entertainment, An Evening with the Erotic Review, in the Polish Club's restaurant, Ognisko, 55 EXHIBITION ROAD, LONDON SW7 2PN . It'll cost you a tenner admission fee on the door and there's no booking - so don't turn up late if you want a seat. You'll get a glass of wine and some interesting speakers. The event starts at 7pm sharp. And should all this erotic excitement whet your more conventional appetite, you can book a table at Ognisko's first class eatery [0207 589 0101] for after the event; there will be a good value special menu available. For more details on how to get there and who is speaking, click here.

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Fiction

The Wrong Face

by Anastasia Parkes / 9th April 2015

Flora is very small. She only reaches the elbow of her grandmother as they stand in the old, dusty shop. A string bag dangles from her grandmother's elbow. That's what she carries her loose change around in when she's out shopping, notes and coins tinkling and fluttering on the pavement behind her like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail through the forest.

High Noon

by Malachi O'Doherty / 26th March 2015

Birdie Wallace said he wanted to fight me for the hand of Ann Marie O’Hare. And it wasn’t as if her hand was mine to give. ‘He knows he won’t win me over,’ she said when I showed her the scroll. ‘But this will restore his self respect - he thinks.’ She was impressed by the trouble he had taken to write on parchment. ‘Is that blood?’ ‘Red ink.’ She said, ‘He’s humiliated that I left him, so he wants to thump the other man. It’s straightforward really.’ I had to grant her that.

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Galleries

The art of arousal

3rd October 2014

One of the most talked about exhibitions at this year’s Melbourne Fringe Festival, FECK:ART took shape as the area’s emerging artists toiled to answer one question: can art succeed where porn fails: to actually turn us on? Their diverse and dazzling output celebrates ‘beautiful obscenity’ while challenging pornography’s status quo.

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Podcasts

Because She's Got Breasts

by / 5th September 2013

After a few months at Erotic Towers, Tati is leaving her post as editorial assistant to chase boys in the South of France. Parting is such sweet sorrow: let us sweeten it a little more with a charming song about her breasts. Ladies, this one is for you.

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Articles

Postcards From The Edge 10

by Bruce Abrahams / 10th April 2015

Some debate in the Old Doom Bar lately over the success of Poldark. In particular, there has been discussion of the stir caused by Aidan Turner’s torso as recently revealed. The series location being our native heath so to speak we are hopeful of increased tourist traffic as lust crazed matrons from up country flood into the Duchy in search of our brooding and muscular menfolk.

KISS OF THE SIRENS: PRIMULA BOND MEETS JODI ELLEN MALPAS FOR ER

by Primula Bond / 31st March 2015

To say that EL James has opened doors with her erotic 50 Shades trilogy is an understatement. We all know about the phenomenal success that she has personally accumulated on the back of it, but the repercussions reverberate far beyond her personal good fortune. Erotica in general, and erotic romance in particular, has blasted its way off the top shelf and into the kindles and paperbacks devoured in bedrooms, beaches and book groups.

THE CONFESSIONS OF A JUSTIFIED ONLINE LOVER 2

by Delilah West / 20th March 2015

I bump into Friend en route to the tube and she can see I’m wearing my date outfit: skinny jeans in high boots and a sort of rock chick top that reveals little, but taken as a whole conjures three words: smart, sensuous, sassy. I hope. “Funny how we all wanted to be nurses when we were little girls,” she smiles looking at the headline on my Evening Standard: ‘The Medical Director of NHS England says “system is creaking under pressure”’. “So,” says Friend, “another date? Why this particular guy?” “Profile reads well enough – at least he can punctuate his prose.”

POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE NO.9

by Bruce Abrahams / 17th March 2015

Much merriment in the Old Doom Bar over the judges caught watching porn on the judicial network. The spin-doctors showed subtlety and kindliness in their description of the culprits as ‘junior’ judges and the porn in question as ‘not of the illegal or child porn sort’.

POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE NO.8

by Bruce Abrahams / 11th March 2015

Life out here doesn’t mean isolation from the Überkultur of the metropolis. It is true that great ballet or world class orchestras don’t seem to make it (for fairly obvious reasons) but ‘alternative comedy’ certainly does. So it was that in one week we have been treated to visits from Simon Amstell and Stewart Lee: both on tour, the latter ostensibly to try out new material on a grateful but suitably unpredictable audience as we ‘edgies’ tend to be. It is also worth noting that the rail service enables access to interesting events such as Grayson Perry’s recent appearance at the Royal Institution on the topic of What is Art Best At?

The Confessions of a Justified Online Lover

by Delilah West / 7th March 2015

He's out there. That’s what your friends and family will tell you. And who am I to disagree? We’re all here today because men and women have been pairing off for sex, love and the whole nine yards quite a while before Blind Date hit our screens 25 years ago. I’m sitting in my Friend’s house overlooking the river and we’re drinking large glasses of Merlot. Light fading, there’s a lapping tranquillity beyond the picture window as trunk-thighed rowers carry long boats on their heads. Friend pushes the olive bowl towards me and touches my arm. “If I was in your position, I’d make a list of what I’m looking for in a man, and find him through online dating.”

An Evening with the Erotic Review

by Erotic Towers Review Team / 26th February 2015

The frozen bison grass vodka was flowing on Tuesday, and as Ognisko's stylish restaurant started to fill up we, the speakers, had a great time ensuring a little Dutch courage was present. The Editor at Large (Copstick), The Political Editor (Ian Dunt), the International Editor (Ali May, who compèred brilliantly) and the Editor (Jamie Maclean), that is. And it seemed our guest speakers, Sarah-Jane Lovett, Nichi Hodgson and Jonathon Green (aka Bob Logic, aka Mr Slang) weren't feeling much pain either.

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Reviews

Sex 'n Horror OK?

by John D. Michaelis / 13th April 2015

There are more vampires, ghouls, secret agents, mafiosi, devils, freaks, bad guys, cops, monsters and maniacs in Emanuele Taglietti's Sex and Horror: the art of Emanuele Taglietti than you could shake a zombie's severed arm at. There's a fair bit of gratuitous, not say salacious, nudity as well. Sex and violence don't mix, we're all pretty much agreed upon that, but sex and horror? Well, evidently, in Italy at least, that was another aesthetic entirely. Ever since Johann Heinrich Fuseli's The Nightmare caused a popular sensation in London in 1781, lifting sex to the astral plain of pure and fantastic horror seems to legitimise the violence implicit in the imagery. Taglietti's comic cover art stays just about within the boundaries of sex/horror as opposed to sex/violence, which is more than can be said for the contents of  the comics whose covers he so powerfully illustrated.

A Sexy Bestiary

by Christine Fears / 8th April 2015

If your favourite thing about the stories handed down to us from the past is a bit of bestiality and inter-species romance, you’re likely to enjoy the witty and erotic Myrtle, a collection of poetry by East London writer Ruth Wiggins.

Long distance information, give me… We-Vibe, Tennessee

by Harriet Charity Verney / 28th March 2015

There’s an innate fear that technology will, at some point, take over our lives completely. Some think this is imminent. Well, Mankind, the appliance of science is now seducing your Womankind, insinuating itself into your bedroom and even getting involved in you performance. But panic not: it’s not so much a threat as a gimmicky detour. And what’s more, the new We-Vibe 4 plus promises orgasms for your (female) partner, even if you’re on another continent. And all this without third-party involvement! (Just don’t forget to charge your phone).

Emphatically not looking for love

by Zoë Apostolides / 3rd March 2015

Fans of Bridget Jones and Girls, rejoice: there's a new kid on the block. Melissa Pimentel's Age, Sex, Location is a wonderfully fresh romp through the modern dating scene, where one wrong left swipe could throw all chances of happiness down the pan. Lauren is 28 and is emphatically not looking for love. Recently divorced from her college sweetheart, she's moved from Portland to the Big Smoke and into a dingy room in Old Street.

Driving with uncle Peck

by Zoë Apostolides / 25th February 2015

Paula Vogel's How I Learned To Drive explores dangerous liaisons, gender relations and aspiration – and excels in its presentation of all three.

The 50 Shades of Grey drinking game

by Felicity Hannah / 18th February 2015

We need to decide how the 50 Shades drinking game will work… As one of many women who went to see the new 50 Shades of Grey film in its first few days of screening, I think there’s an important conversation we all need to have. No, not about the merits of bringing erotica to a mass market, not even about the sexual politics highlighted by Anastasia and Christian’s relationship, or whether the flagrantly capitalist fantasy holds up a mirror to something dark in our society. No, we need to decide what the 50 Shades drinking game will be. How will it work?

Heavy Breathing at the Back

by Primula Bond / 16th February 2015

This is a film to be savoured in the communal atmosphere of a darkened cinema. The solidarity of those eager, giggling bodies around you, some women dragging along sheepish male partners, most tripping in with a shoal of girlie mates, all bearing glasses or even bottles of wine and/or champagne, made the experience enjoyable from the off.

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