Erotic Review Magazine

Suburbaret: how to get on in suburban society…

19th April 2015

Suburbaret is Balham’s edgy new cabaret show themed entirely on suburbia. The variety format blends traditional and alternative cabaret performance, designed to appeal to locals and commuters who enjoy live entertainment without the late night journey home (unusually, the audience are encouraged to dress down for the occasion, not dress up). Prizes are awarded for the most comfortable suburban outfits, such as pyjamas, woolly jumpers and house socks. The host is surreal bearded drag lady Ms Timberlina who will involve the audience, as she tries to plan the perfect suburban dinner party… Shades of Betjeman's 'Phone for the fish knives, Norman/As cook is a little unnerved;'? The line-up for Sunday May 10th features Lorraine Bowen, legendary suburban songwriter and performer. Lorraine mixes fashion with a passion for polyester – think Madonna meets Mary Poppins.Tricity Vogue, named after a domestic refrigerator, sings songs inspired by ‘swingers’, park life and domestic life in the suburbs. Male burlesque performer Dave the Bear will surprise the audience with his sexy new ‘pet rabbit’ routine - furry and fabulous. The proceedings are held at the Bedford, the iconic music and comedy venue in Balham. The May 10thshow is part of the Wandsworth Fringe Festival 2015. Tickets are £7 from the website www.suburbaret.co.uk (showing the full line-up) or £8 on the door. Doors 17.30, show 18.30 until a sensible suburban hour (leaving plenty of time for those Sunday night chores).The line-up for Sunday May 10th features Lorraine Bowen, legendary suburban songwriter and performer. Lorraine mixes fashion with a passion for polyester – think Madonna meets Mary Poppins.Tricity Vogue, named after a domestic refrigerator, sings songs inspired by ‘swingers’, park life and domestic life in the suburbs. Male burlesque performer Dave the Bear will surprise the audience with his sexy new ‘pet rabbit’ routine - furry and fabulous. The proceedings are held at the Bedford, the iconic music and comedy venue in Balham. The May 10thshow is part of the Wandsworth Fringe Festival 2015. Tickets are £7 from the website www.suburbaret.co.uk (showing the full line-up) or £8 on the door. Doors 17.30, show 18.30 until a sensible suburban hour (leaving plenty of time for those Sunday night chores).

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Breakin’ Convention at Sadler’s Wells

13th April 2015

Breakin’ Convention at Sadler’s Wells, the international festival of Hip Hop dance, is now in its 12th year and on Friday May 1 they will be trying out something different: erotic and just a little experimental. Strictly an adult affair, WorX will comprise of a series of short performances devised specially by international Hip Hop dance artists: http://breakinconvention.com/events/festival/worx  At WorX, the word ‘raw’ won’t just describe the highly original talent on offer. Breakin’ Convention’s Artistic Director Jonzi D has curated WorX which will be hosted by poet/MC Floetic Lara.  The award-winning Jazz musician Soweto Kinch will play live throughout the night, evoking an intimate and immersive speakeasy. Performers include amongst others, renowned dancer and choreographer Marso Riviere, Natalie James: Dance artist, circus performer and aerialist and Bisouxxx Brooklyn (who danced in London for Penny Arcade), aka The Hip Hop Josephine Baker.

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Top French Intellectual wades into UK election debate

12th April 2015

Ne votez pas, mes enfants,’ he says,  ‘ça ne vaut pas la peine’. Russelle (rhymes with pucelle) Onfray-Brand-Farage, the famous French intellectual nihilist, has hit a new high in the Twittersphere, garnering 3 million followers almost overnight. We were granted a brief interview with him as he breakfasted in Starbucks before boarding the Eurostar back to Paris. M. Onfray-Brand-Farage, is it true you are the half-brother of the fanatical UKIP supporter Nielle Fernandel-Farage? Call me Russelle, my matey. No, this is not true. Yes, it is. Think what you like, I don’t really care.  We are all doomed anyway, so what does it matter. Booff! So, Russelle, you’re advising people not to vote, but isn’t it a good idea to vote, even so that you can end up by saying, ‘It’s not my fault; I never voted for him?’ Paff! It is not about the voting. The people must take the power away from the politicians. To make an omelette, you must first break some sacred eggs. Like Stalin. Tell us about your latest book, Vive La Révolution! The End of the Universey-Wersey, in which you talk to other nihilists, intellectuals and authors like your pal Michel Houellebecq. I hear that Harper Collins have offered you a £2.7 million advance for this. True or false? Piff! Don’t believe everything you read in the capitalist press, my matey. But buy it: you will love it! Or maybe you will hate it. It is like, how do you English say – Bovril! But this does not matter. Nothing matters very much… …and few things matter at all. But what matters to you? Duff! Mon dieu! That is a really, really silly question. Money and sex, of course, and lots of both. too… Are you very stupid indeed? Thank you, Russelle. Mon plaisir, my matey.

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The London Book Fair is opening next week

8th April 2015

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You Are Cordially Invited to An Evening's Entertainment at Erotic Towers

8th February 2015

On Tuesday 24th of February, at 6.30 pm, we're holding an entertainment, An Evening with the Erotic Review, in the Polish Club's restaurant, Ognisko, 55 EXHIBITION ROAD, LONDON SW7 2PN . It'll cost you a tenner admission fee on the door and there's no booking - so don't turn up late if you want a seat. You'll get a glass of wine and some interesting speakers. The event starts at 7pm sharp. And should all this erotic excitement whet your more conventional appetite, you can book a table at Ognisko's first class eatery [0207 589 0101] for after the event; there will be a good value special menu available. For more details on how to get there and who is speaking, click here.

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The Road to Wigan Beer

17th January 2015

  Lucy Hilton of the news website Wigan Today tells us that a man called Paul Bennett has been sentenced to a 12-month community order for having sex with a bright red, George-VI-era, pillar box in a shopping arcade. Her report goes something like this: after an argument with a woman (girlfriend? granny?) who then departed the scene, Paul lay down on a bench, yelling. But then he sat up, started to perform a sex act, exposed himself and pulled down his trousers (really? in that order?).  Now comes the tricky bit: he began to perform ‘a sex act’ (another, or the same variety?) while simultaneously walking towards the pillar box. And then – and only then – did he begin ‘to make sexual advances towards it’. At this point, though shameful, guilt-inducing and somehow slightly humiliating, an image of Cherie Blair, herself a Lancashire lass, pops uninvited into the reader’s head. Bennett was highly intoxicated. Could he have been labouring under the beer-sodden illusion that he was about to ‘perform a sex act’ with the illustrious QC? There’s an eerily long and (almost) silent video of the abused post box which is worthy of a first year creative film studies student. In addition to this surreal visual offering, it would appear le tout Wigan has commented on the event. Many of these comments have been lost to posterity, but one or two pungent, Les-Dawsonesque examples remain; good to know that dry Northern wit is alive and well. Sort of.

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A unique celebration of the relationship between poetry and sex

14th January 2015

  In what sounds like a must for the lyrical crowd, on the 9th of February, Poet in the City will present a unique celebration of the relationship between poetry and sex, and ask you to join Erotic Review writer and broadcaster Kate Copstick as she hosts a panel of leading experts in erotic literature and gender, exploring poetry’s intimate relationship with love and desire through the ages. The evening will feature acclaimed poet Adam O’Riordan, Dr Linda Grant and Richard Parkinson. Drawing on the evocative writings of authors and poets from John Donne and Anais Nin to ee cummings and beyond, this event will explore how poetry charts and challenges our evolving relationship with sex and each other. May the Muse be with you. Get info/tickets here. Eros: The Poetry of Sex 7pm, Monday 9th February 2015 Kings Place 90 York Way, London, N1 9AG

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CHARLIE HEBDO MASSACRE

7th January 2015

  We are outraged by the grim carnage at the offices of Charlie Hebdo in Paris: let's fight to preserve freedom of speech; let's never be silenced by religious lunacy; let's all show bravery to those who would enslave us with fear and always condemn those who possess such appalling contempt for humanity. Je suis Charlie.

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A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OUR READERS

25th December 2014

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Stifling under Mrs Grundy's petticoats?

13th December 2014

Westminster's 'face-sitting' legislation which forbids a whole slew of actions in UK commercial porn – including aggressive whipping, female ejaculation, urine ingestion and verbal abuse – is already in place and active. So might the Daily Telegraph's video reportage of the mass face-sitting protest outside the Houses of Parliament yesterday be considered in contravention of new Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014? At the Westminster protest yesterday Obscenity lawyer Miles Jackman pointed out the absurdity of new laws which criminalise the representation of activities that are legal to perform. "If it’s legal to do it, why can’t it be watched? This is, without a doubt, the first step in a concerted campaign for internet censorship and control by the state.” How bizarre that the Department for Culture, Media and Sport – which sounds like it should be a rather fun, cosmopolitan government department – should turn out to be the UK's latest Mrs Grundy. And she's one person we don't need sitting on our collective face, whatever she says. Ian Dunt writes:"The whole event was resoundingly British. It was cold, confused, deeply eccentric and broadly good-natured. The use of the face-sitting stunt pulled in more journalists than you'd ever see for a protest this size and in fact reporters and photographers easily outnumbered attendees. The arguments against censorship were well made and favourably received by the press, for obvious reasons. Journalist are into free speech and most of them quite like porn too. Now you get the sense that free speech issues around pornography are in the public consciousness as never before. Whatever else, that was not what they wanted when they passed the regulations. But whether the protest movement can continue, or whether it will be split by its own internal contradictions, remains to be seen." Ian Dunt and Nichi Hodgson were there and took the pictures.

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