Pack your bags, check the EasyJet app, it’s time to go. Well, not just that app. The WeVibe app, too. Because if you, like me, find yourself in the vanguard of your holiday trip, a couple of days ahead of your stressed-out, workaholic holiday partner you’ll need to download it and have fun together. You luxuriate alone in the infinity pool with your waterproof friend and, while he’s trying to remember where he put his passport, he gives you a long-distance orgasm via his smart phone. A good internet connection is all you need. The rest is too technical to go into here, but take my word for it, We-Connect makes it all very easy.
This summer my partner and I chose three We-Vibe sex toys, which were:
The Nova (see image, centre)
The Ditto (see image, right)
The Verge (see image, left)
There’s something quite sculptural about We-Vibe’s products – no doubt you could make other artistic comparisons – but I was reminded of Niki de Saint Phalle or Babara Hepworth. Like little maquettes of larger pieces, they are beautifully crafted and feel great to the touch. Made of high grade silicone, they are rechargeable, waterproof, silent and powerful.
The Nova’s design is especially elegant and, while its configuration might trace its origins back to the monstrously vulgar, early-1980s Rabbit, this is a very different animal indeed: its innovative design gives it greater flexibility and manoeuvrability than any conventional vibrators intended to provide clitoral and vaginal stimulation ever would. The front finger at bends forward when pressure is applied and slides against the skin, ensuring that you can find the correct position for clitoral stimulation. The handle is ergonomically designed, and when the larger finger, with its upward curve, is fully inserted into the vagina, it’s easy to experiment with finding the most pleasurable positions. There are several different settings and levels of intensity. It’s also easy to clean and the instructions are good.
The Ditto is versatile: a vibrating butt plug. The base is discreetly T-shaped for additional safety as well as ease of insertion and removal. It, too, has several different settings, and can be switched on and controlled remotely via a discreet little Bluetooth controller. It’s exciting to use and easy to clean. No one would ever know you were ‘wearing’ it. So for a perverse little thrill, simply slip The Ditto in and hand the controller to your partner before setting off to your local market in Tuscany or Provence – or the Souk in Marrakech. Or Sainsburys in Stratford. You won’t be overheard in Waitrose, because it’s wonderfully quiet. However shopping for zucchini, cucumbers or large vegetable marrows may never seem quite the same.
And finally, The Verge. This encircles both penis and scrotum to give that extra-huggy feeling while at the same time stimulating the perineal area – an erogenous zone responding well to both pressure and vibration – and helps to maintain an erection. To explain this, I hand you over to my partner. He has finally arrived at our little villa, has just emerged from the shower and, given what he’s wearing, appears to be ready for some fun ‘n games.
“Getting it over your testicles (somehow that word is more appropriate in this context than ‘balls’) is a Sisyphean task. As soon as one of them is coaxed past its barrier and its friend located to be slipped in, the first slides out. Forget trying to stuff your cock in to start with: with an erection, this simply cannot be done. It can only be achieved when your member is more or less limp and once those slightly bruised and recalcitrant gonads have been brought under control. This was achieved in the shower (probably the best place to try it first) with plenty of liquid soap. A generous amount of lube is, of course, a viable alternative. And I must admit, any mild initial discomfort was eclipsed by the orgasm-enhancing, rumbling vibes that seemed to penetrate to my very core. Amazing!”
For more information connect to the We-Vibe Shop.