Can You Keep A Secret? by Katie Collins & Robert Carry
‘Yes, I surely can.’
‘Go on, go on, go on, go on. Go on, go on, go on.’
‘Oh all right, Mrs. Doyle, then no, I can’t keep a secret. If I have to tell, I will.’
This is where Craggy Island-type social services should have been on hand to deal with a dysfunctional, self-harming, randy teen, who tells all with the help of another (male) writer. Of all the ‘true stories’ I found this by far the most depressing. The descriptions of sex, given the context of the Dublin swinging scene, could have been either hot or hilarious, or perhaps even both, but somehow they sounded like the stage directions for an over-long and singularly banal vintage porn movie mixed in with a bit of cod psychology. You can keep those ‘darkest corners of the underground sex scene’ in Dublin dark, as far as I’m concerned. And I don’t like Katie as she writes herself. I hope that she’s a lot nicer off the page and on the, er, lash…
“I kept myself in the heart of the action. I had sex with half a dozen guys that night as well as a couple of girls. We got drunk together, played with the whipped cream some more and fooled around with the webcam. This was my first time getting fully involved in a swinger’s party and it was everything I’d hoped it would be.’
Booze? Whipped cream? Webcam? Now that you know the ingredients for a successful swinger’s party, don’t let me stop you. Just don’t ask me, ‘cos I won’t be turning up.
And, PS, this was not written by chick-litterateuse Sophie Kinsella in 2005, despite sort of having the same title.
To purchase Can You Keep A Secret: The True Story of a Young Woman’s Adventures on the Underground Sex Scene on Amazon Kindle (£2.63)go here.