When you let go of your expectation of how another person should act towards you when they’re flipping their lids, not only will you diffuse a ratcheting up of the tension, you will experience the utter jaw-dropping joy of keeping your shit together. And that, my friends, is grace.
Good sex is not about having a great body and a high aerobic threshold. It’s about finding a partner who is giving and game.
Texting with your Invisible Girlfriend will teach you as much about real life dating as walking along the river will teach you how to swim.
Maybe feeling like you’re all vagina doesn’t have appeal. But consider the possibility of a completely new experience of sex by removing one sense or focusing on another.
If having an affair is an indication of wanting to be someone else - the passionate, desired, alive person that many people describe how they feel in affairs, don’t ask what is wrong with wanting that. Ask how you might frame an affair to be a life affirming experience, one that injects new energy into every facet of your life, including your marriage.
Maybe it’s such a turn-on to men because, unlike a moaning, table-slapping, Meg Ryan orgasm, a woman simply can’t fake 100 cc’s of liquid blowing like a firehose across the room from her vagina.
Maybe it was because I didn't train to become a brain surgeon, but no one ever explained the seat of the emotional self to me in medical school. Our cadavers’ brains remained untouched. And for most of my life I’d never given much thought to what I’d heard referred to as the Limbic System. That was the part of the brain that ruled emotion, motivation, behavior and long term memory. That was all too touchy-feely. And not something I was going to get into with someone during a fifteen minute office visit.
Trust me; this wasn’t about getting laid. If that had been the case I would have swiped right on the men who featured their bare abs and wrote things like, “Just looking for fun.” or “Life is short. Eat dessert first.”
I may have been a wet blanket on his experience, but what I’ve come to learn is that we weren’t doing anything psychologically damaging. In fact, our willingness to engage in BDSM activity indicated that we were actually healthier mentally than people who won’t.
You might believe it difficult to quantify the behaviors that can make or break a partnership, but one team of researchers seems to have cracked the code for marital bliss. It’s not so much the behaviours themselves as how many. It’s called The Magic Ratio.