‘She’s really letting rip out there,’ he said, watching her as he leant against the bench top with his arms folded, smiling fondly, full of admiration. ‘She’s giving it both barrels. Not mincing her words, I reckon. What a girl. She’s a corker.'
Lee looked at me with cheerful concern. ‘You’re not very good at maths, are you Miss? You’re good on the telly though. My dad says you’re the funniest thing since Morecombe and Wise.’
I blew out my cheeks to indicate the depths of my medical knowledge. ‘Measles,’ I said, ‘scabies, meal worms, and more exotic things like, antipasta.’
She got out at the next stop before I’d had a chance to pick my chin up off the floor. Then I heard that unfiltered voice inside my head say, ‘Goddamn, idiotic woman!’
You might say something like, there was a lively discussion among all the shoppers in the aisle at the supermarket, and although you personally wouldn’t choose to shop in your pyjamas, you are very sympathetic to Ms Shaw’s point of view, and you wish her well.
‘I’m very sorry Mrs Forth, but I wonder if you would leave this young lady to do her shopping in peace now? Perhaps if you object to her pyjamas you could do your shopping a bit later, after she’s gone?’ ‘Throw her out,’ said the pyjamas. ‘Posh bitch.’
I sometimes find myself thinking, ‘God! Politicians! Why can’t they just give a straight answer to a straight question?’ And then I have to remind myself that I am married to this man on the telly.
'There’s been a few things over the years, hasn’t there? And now this, drunk as Lords over Christmas, and me racing through the night to stop your son-in-law battering your daughter’s lover to death.’
I once dated a man who really knew how to flirt. He’d lean in to speak, took genuine interest in what was being discussed, would give compliments easily without being obsequious, and knew just when to graze a knee or brush an elbow. And this is only what I observed from across the room.
‘That’s just it. I don’t feel settled. I feel as if there is something missing in my life.’ ‘You mean, like fulfilment and meaning, and a sense of purpose?’ ‘No,’ she handed me a mug of tea, ‘Like lots of money, freedom and excitement.’