Erotic Review Magazine

by Jane Ions / 2nd February 2017

I blew out my cheeks to indicate the depths of my medical knowledge. ‘Measles,’ I said, ‘scabies, meal worms, and more exotic things like, antipasta.’

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The Woman Divide

by Karin Jones / 1st February 2017

She got out at the next stop before I’d had a chance to pick my chin up off the floor. Then I heard that unfiltered voice inside my head say, ‘Goddamn, idiotic woman!’

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by Jane Ions / 31st January 2017

You might say something like, there was a lively discussion among all the shoppers in the aisle at the supermarket, and although you personally wouldn’t choose to shop in your pyjamas, you are very sympathetic to Ms Shaw’s point of view, and you wish her well.

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by Jane Ions / 28th January 2017

‘I’m very sorry Mrs Forth, but I wonder if you would leave this young lady to do her shopping in peace now? Perhaps if you object to her pyjamas you could do your shopping a bit later, after she’s gone?’ ‘Throw her out,’ said the pyjamas. ‘Posh bitch.’

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by Jane Ions / 24th January 2017

I sometimes find myself thinking, ‘God! Politicians! Why can’t they just give a straight answer to a straight question?’ And then I have to remind myself that I am married to this man on the telly.

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by Jane Ions / 19th January 2017

'There’s been a few things over the years, hasn’t there? And now this, drunk as Lords over Christmas, and me racing through the night to stop your son-in-law battering your daughter’s lover to death.’

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How to be a Good Flirt

by Karin Jones / 18th January 2017

I once dated a man who really knew how to flirt. He’d lean in to speak, took genuine interest in what was being discussed, would give compliments easily without being obsequious, and knew just when to graze a knee or brush an elbow. And this is only what I observed from across the room.

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by Jane Ions / 17th January 2017

‘That’s just it. I don’t feel settled. I feel as if there is something missing in my life.’ ‘You mean, like fulfilment and meaning, and a sense of purpose?’ ‘No,’ she handed me a mug of tea, ‘Like lots of money, freedom and excitement.’

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by Jane Ions / 12th January 2017

Sophie is beside herself with excitement. She sees this as a ‘Strictly’ situation without the dancing, and is desperate for Bill to win. We are both very touched by Sophie’s loyalty and enthusiasm but Bill said to me in bed last night, ‘For god’s sake Sally, try and keep her under wraps’.

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by Jane Ions / 10th January 2017

‘Could you go next door Jen and suss Susan out? If she’s sober and willing, bring her round and she could drive Dan and Baz to find Ben before he commits an offence.’

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