The things that propel us to seek out sex, desire and arousal, are funny partners. As we age, they don’t seem to visit so often, and not always in the same order.
But let’s agree, at some point over the years of a long-term relationship, we will very likely become attracted to someone else. We might become besotted, obsessed or flirty. Our mouths may go dry at the sight of a forbidden crush. Some would say this is micro-cheating and you should feel bad. I call bullshit. This is normal. What we do with it is what counts.
Take your time to assess not the size of their bank account but the size of their heart; not the depth of their pockets, but the depth of their character. Because, honey, you’ve got a few more decades to go, and you wanna be with someone who sees your laugh lines, not your wrinkles.
Don’t feel like having sex? Tough. Just do it. That’s the whole point here. Because what research has found is that the more sex you have, the more you’ll want to have sex and the happier you’ll become.
Every time I got an uneasy feeling listening to a man’s voice on the phone, the date was a bust. That’s not to say the ones who sounded lovely were always winners, but at least I didn't waste my time with a man who made me feel like pulling out my own ears.
There are too many people these days (heads of state, for instance) who believe it’s ok to lie and lie and deny and deny. But that is a slippery-ass slope down the Valley of Doom when we bring that attitude into our close relationships.
“I found out something about my housemate the other day,” a friend says to me. We’ve been sitting in Wetherspoons for the past hour, talking about porn; I feel we’re comfortably past the point of being able to shock each other. “She’s never masturbated.”
My heart broke a little for this man, and so many like him, who are feeling nervous now about engaging erotically with women for fear that they’ll not only be rejected but accused. Conscientious men like him are not the problem. And yet he is scared.
When we start out in a new relationship, all juiced up for how wonderful this person is, how well we get along and how much we have in common, take a breath and promise yourself not to talk about where to have the wedding before you’ve had that first big disagreement.
Watching old videos of yourself having sex with an ex is a voyeuristic experience. I guess I know that now because, not long ago, browsing through old folders on my computer, I stumbled across some of my own. I caved in to curiosity and opened the files. Watching all those collected minutes, a younger me roaming the screen, despite the distance between us, I felt like an intruder.