Erotic Review Magazine

Top French Intellectual wades into UK election debate

12th April 2015

Ne votez pas, mes enfants,’ he says,  ‘ça ne vaut pas la peine’. Russelle (rhymes with pucelle) Onfray-Brand-Farage, the famous French intellectual nihilist, has hit a new high in the Twittersphere, garnering 3 million followers almost overnight. We were granted a brief interview with him as he breakfasted in Starbucks before boarding the Eurostar back to Paris.

M. Onfray-Brand-Farage, is it true you are the half-brother of the fanatical UKIP supporter Nielle Fernandel-Farage?

Call me Russelle, my matey. No, this is not true. Yes, it is. Think what you like, I don’t really care.  We are all doomed anyway, so what does it matter. Booff!

So, Russelle, you’re advising people not to vote, but isn’t it a good idea to vote, even so that you can end up by saying, ‘It’s not my fault; I never voted for him?’

Paff! It is not about the voting. The people must take the power away from the politicians. To make an omelette, you must first break some sacred eggs. Like Stalin.

Tell us about your latest book, Vive La Révolution! The End of the Universey-Wersey, in which you talk to other nihilists, intellectuals and authors like your pal Michel Houellebecq. I hear that Harper Collins have offered you a £2.7 million advance for this. True or false?

Piff! Don’t believe everything you read in the capitalist press, my matey. But buy it: you will love it! Or maybe you will hate it. It is like, how do you English say – Bovril! But this does not matter. Nothing matters very much…

…and few things matter at all. But what matters to you?

Duff! Mon dieu! That is a really, really silly question. Money and sex, of course, and lots of both. too… Are you very stupid indeed?

Thank you, Russelle.

Mon plaisir, my matey.

Ian Dunt, our political editor, is currently quite preoccupied by the election and had absolutely nothing to do with this interview.

 

 

 

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