Elections have figured recently on our agenda in the Old Doom Bar. The most significant being that of Ukraine being voted top Eurovision nation in a clearly politically inspired coup against Russia. No-one could work out why joint hot tip Australia was in the contest until it was suggested that their population was full of former Yugoslavs. This turns out not to be true so it must be in a vain effort to bolster the meagre European pro- UK vote from the Anglophone diaspora that predominates in the Antipodes.
We meet at Cafe Zedel. It is sparkling, bubbling with conversation and really rather lovely. When she makes her entrance, Polly is equally sparkling, bubbling and really rather lovely. And so is the champagne she orders. This is exactly how it should be when one meets Burlesque Royalty. Miss Polly Rae is pretty perfect : a Rita Hayworth redhead, flawless skin, carmine Cupid's bow, matching nails and dark eyes dancing behind the raven's wings of her lashes like twin Fan Dancers. I say 'her' lashes' but they are not. And – disappointingly for my fantasies of the Burlesque Life – she does not always look like this. She is on her way back from a photo shoot.
Our new reporter from the field, Nadine Summers, might have been in High School the last time she picked up a 3B pencil, but nabbing a place at a sex worker life drawing class was enough to get the creative juices flowing again.
Now will he sit under a medlar tree, and wish his mistress were that kind of fruit as maids call medlars, when they laugh alone. Romeo, that she were, O, that she were an open-arse, thou a poperin pear!
The V&A is showing the largest ever collection of underwear to go on display, and has acquired over 60 new individual pieces for it’s permanent collection. Taking us on a lightning tour through the history of the role and function of the undergarment and indeed underwear as outerwear, we are treated to rare pieces such as a maternity breast feeding bra-let and the first pair of male “enhancing” briefs from Marks & Spencer.
Interestingly while over the UK as a whole men are much more likely to murder women, in Cornwall it is the reverse. No-one knew why but our wives laughed in a sisterly way...
What really happens when you come out as a fetishist? Following on from her previous piece about getting into fetishism, Nadine lets us know where the kinks in the kinky road lie.
It’s hard, it’s shiny. It’s poised.
Three glasses of house Gascony into the meal and we had reached the topic of perennial fascination to monogamists: the limits of fidelity. Just how far can you go before a genuine transgression occurs? What is the quantum? A quantum being not, as is the mistaken commonplace, a very large thing, but the smallest measurable one. This is a pursuit whose metaphysics compare with the finesse needed from line calls in tennis. Just what's in and just what's out? It's always entertaining. What are the exact limits of acceptability?
'Mind you' someone observed, 'I don't think you'd forget it if a randy old bloke had tried to shove his dick up your bum'. By this point the women in the group had devoted themselves to the dessert buffet and we chaps were topping up with digestifs at the bar. It's funny how these tribal habits cling on. But it did make it easier to discuss the matter of anal intercourse and its apparent normalisation in public discourse.